The girl who lost things

My words come out all clumsy when they’re not on paper and sometimes my words don’t come out as I wish. So, if you would just let me kiss you instead.. and let my lips paint for you all the clumsy words that my mouth cannot. For now however, my fingertips will have to define the words floating through my mind..

I’d really have liked to have been the one to kiss your scars as you heal, I’d have liked to have been the one to sit by your side and hold your hand. To have been allowed to write invisible secrets and paragraphs and maybe a book into your skin at night, while you sleep warm in our bed.

I’ve loved you in a way that can’t be defined in a dictionary, unless it was printed in all the stars and all of the words expanded into another galaxy every time I said your name..

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and chasing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones.
Remember me in hysterics for no reason at all and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover.
Remember me brave and remember me gentle, like that time you took my hand and the world stood still for a second. Remember me scared and delicate and breakable.
Only for you though, only for you.
Remember me happy and charming. Remember the ways I was too stubborn to talk and how absolutely insane it drove both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about our future. If it’s any consolation, I allowed myself to have them too.

I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.